seerofbread: (hey guys)
[personal profile] seerofbread
This was going to go up on AO3, but then I realized I don't know how to make pesterlogs happen there and I don't feel like figuring it out on a deadline. So, I'm being a douche and posting my fic to DreamWidth instead.


Characters/Ships: Dirk♠Jake, Brobot
Ratings/Warnings: Fight scene, otherwise pretty G-rated
Notes: ~1137 words. For an (as-yet) anonymous participant in this exchange. Mega thanks to [personal profile] 100demons for being a cool beta-reader despite not being in the fandom.


Blood pounds through your ears when you land your first punch on Brobot. You shout in victory, and you're sticking to that story. Unfortunately, your opponent is a robot and doesn't actually register the pain; you feel an iron fist on your chest and nearly fall back. Instead, you catch yourself on the robot's arm and pull it to the ground in your place. "Hah!" you call out, and it rings through the jungle as you set a foot on your opponent's chest. The rush of adrenaline brings a feeling of euphoria to the victory. It feels wonderful, and keeps you from noticing Brobot's hands on your ankle until your rear end hits the mud hard.

"Shit!" You scramble to gain the upper hand as your fight turns to a wrestle, but Brobot's metal body is slippery in the mud and your hand still hurts from where you punched his solid metal stomach. He hauls you up by the shirt and you cry, "Why can't you have a weakness to dampness like any other sensible robot?"

Brobot says nothing, disarming your otherwise excellent zinger and reminding you that there is no reasoning with Brobot, only the clench of teeth as you brace yourself for getting slammed into the ground or punched in a tender place.

It doesn't happen. Brobot stares down at you, one knee on either side of your legs, holding you up by the collar of your shirt. You can hear some motors whirring as one of his hands releases you, but its motions are suddenly slow. Maybe you were wrong about his being impervious to water.

But you can't let that get to you. You shove him into the ground easily, and in a couple of deft motions you've got the thing in a headlock. "There!" you say. "I bet you can't get out of that, can you?"

He escapes with such a speed that you barely see it happen. You look around as you stand up again, but Brobot's gone. After spending a minute or two calling for him to come back so you can give him a proper walloping, you scratch the back of your head. "Must have had enough for now," you grumble to yourself.

You try to remember what you were doing before you got ambushed by Brobot. You were going to explore… some part of the island. Oh, right, that place where all the big animals tend to be. You check your ammunition; you spent a couple of bullets in the phase of battle before the melee, and apparently you forgot to keep track. "Another day then," you sigh, regaining your bearings and heading back home.

Needless to say, the walk back home is long enough for the adrenaline to run out, and your new coating of mud has made the island breezes surprisingly cold. To top it all off, the abrupt ending to your brawl felt so unnatural that it doesn't even feel properly finished. Despite your ultimate domination, the lack of satisfying conclusion leaves you nearly limp with exhaustion as you cross the threshold of your home. You pause there, leaning against the door frame with no regard to the buildup of filth, trying to pull together enough energy for something other than frustrated incompletion.

When you've finally pulled yourself together, you head to the shower. It is reasonably glorious, or at least when it's done you feel slightly less like you hiked practically to the other side of your island and back with an intense bruising intermission. You don't want to do much other than plop on your bed, but when sleep doesn't immediately take you there's nothing to do but snatch up your skulltop and see what new marvels have hit the interwebs today.


-- timaeusTestified [TT] began pestering golgothasTerror [GT] --

TT: Hey.
GT: Oh hello dirk.
GT: Sorry if im a bit slow today. I had a nice long trip planned for today, and it wore me right out!

TT: I know.
TT: How's Brobot working out for you? Nothing too weird?

GT: Well, i dont know whats normal about a robot in the exact likeness of my best friend that got teleported to my house piece by piece so i could fight him from time to time
GT: But todays tussle was a delight.
GT: Say, did you waterproof him properly?
TT: Of course. I couldn't have him short-circuiting the moment you got into a friendly platonic mud wrestle, could I?
GT: No, that would be awful!
GT: Except...
GT: That did happen today.
GT: I mean there werent any flying sparks or anything like that but he did seem a bit slow after i took my quarry to wetter ground.

TT: Any weird twitching? Grinding computer noises?
GT: No, none of that.
GT: He just slowed himself down and
GT: I dont know. I guess it wasnt really all that bad.

TT: You sure? Your safety here is paramount.
GT: Oh, come on, whats life without a little danger?
TT: A life where Roxy doesn't breathe down my neck constantly about how many ways this could go wrong.
TT: I have to have a lot of failsafes in place, otherwise she'll stop all her coding except for attempting to hack Brobot into a safe shutdown.
TT: That would be pretty sad for me. If the video feed I got off of your scuffle today was any indicator, this should be a pretty entertaining watch. I'd hate to not be able to see you in action.
TT: Especially since so much of his combat protocol is based on my own technique. With the exception of a couple variables that always crop up when you involve a robot proxy, I know exactly how bad you'd get beaten if we ever met up.

GT: Oh, i dont know if id be so easy! Did you see how quick i took out your silver henchman?
TT: He's still set to Novice, isn't he?
GT: Well, yeah. You did tell me to leave him like that.
GT: But that doesnt mean i wouldnt be excited for your company, and the opportunity to have a good scuffle with the real dirk instead of some tin replica.

TT: Yeah.
TT: Maybe someday I can be the one who personally beats the shit out of you.

GT: That would be downright stellar!
GT: Hey, have i ever suggested that you try selling some robots like this? I bet plenty of people would pay a fortune of it, and then you could get a plane ticket and we could make our super rad bro-grapple a reality.

TT: I've told you, it's more complicated than that.
TT: But for now, hopefully this will be a good compromise. I wouldn't want you getting out of shape for when we can meet up.

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